Only happens this time of the morning

Almost every morning, when I wake up, I feel guilty. I feel like a failure. I have to pray to God just to get out of the thick fog of depression so I can get out of bed and get in the shower. Then sometimes in the shower it's so warm and secure that I don't ever want to get out.

There's a lot of history in this - history from the time when I was student teaching during my last semester at college in Pennsylvania. My cooperating teacher taught me a lot and I improved my teaching a lot, but he very rarely praised the things I was doing right - he only focused on the things where I needed to improve. I didn't realize it, but this made it emotionally very hard for me to go to school in the morning. Not only that, but I was habitually late to bed. So when I would wake up feeling not-totally-rested, I would remember it was because I had failed to keep my scheduled bedtime. Which made me feel like a slacker/procrastinator. Which I am, but this just reminded me of it.

So now when I wake up, at the same time of morning, to go to school, all those old feelings flood back on me. I think about all the things that I haven't done yet...the grading I wanted to do last night that didn't happen, the scrambling I'm going to have to do to get the fundraiser table ready, the fact that yet again I've only gotten six hours of sleep, and I haven't even made myself a lunch yet.

God is a God who gives us each day our daily bread. I have to believe that it is His will that I did not finish my work yet, and His will that I see clearly how weak I am on my own so that I will fully rely on Him for what needs to get done this day. I am taking the time to write this post now while the feelings are still fresh in my mind so that all might give the greater glory to God for what He does for me. Every morning.