On a lighter note

If you are given the function y = mecrazyx and asked to find the first derivative, what do you do?

You derive mecrazy!

Also, as Einstein once realized as he cogitated on the physics of sailing ships..."Eet is not a kves-chun off eef eet veel sink...vun must vunder vat eet vill sink about!"

Fifty-seven sauce, made by Heinz...I've never tried it! Is it any good? You know what IS good, though? Mah gurl Donna Jean. She's so purdy I jus' wanna put 'er in a pitcher frame and hang 'er on mah wall. She's like one a them dervinti paintin's ya see in muse-ums behin' the glass an' wit' guards and guns an' all.

Ok I can only do that for so long unfortunately. But I do want to mention a bit about this girl - she deserves public recognition for several things. First of all she is incredibly patient, as she knew three years ago how we were supposed to feel towards each other and it took me until just this past december to figure it out. But when I did, there she was waiting for me, having refused all other suitors and pining only for me...ok that's not quite true but she was there. God must have hand-picked this one and molded her just for me - like a puzzle piece kind of thing. At least that's how she refers to it - the way our strengths and weaknesses complement each other.

Anyhow one of the other things God built in when designing my one-of-a-kind custom-made gold-plated collector's limited edition holographic life-size fully posable individually numbered Donna Jean was something that made her so encouraging to me in two ways. First she encourages me to have a better opinion of myself - to see the positive things that God is doing in my life, the ways the He is helping me to succeed and grow. Secondly she encourages me so much to do the right things that I'm not doing yet - especially in our relationship - she is so helpful in teaching me how to treat her right, and being so proud of me when I do a good job.

She even indulges some of my quirky interests - video games, dungeons & dragons, anime, physics. All of my nerdy/geeky endeavours she smiles upon and has never once rolled her eyes at something important to me. To do so would be to crush my spirit a bit, and I think instinctively she knows that and is gracious to me in avoiding that.

She's beautiful, ladies and gents. Inside and out. One has only to look at her to see her outer beauty, so I won't wasted words when none will express the incomparable beauty with which God sculpted the female form. I hope my words have given you some insights into her inner beauty as well, and inspired you to find (or be) a woman like her.

Goodnight folks.

UNC Charlotte

The other night I was at a basketball game between my brother's VCU Rams and the UNC-Charlotte Seahawks. We always have a great time there because he's in the pep band and I sit near him and we get super-rowdy. This pep band is one of the great cheering sections I've ever been in. I mean, we're no Cameron Crazies but we do our best to get inside the opposing team's heads. All the classics: "Airrrballll" "You Suck" "DE-FENSE" and such but also some real sophisticated stuff like...ok no nothing sophisticated. Some of the folks yell all sorts of horrible and unprintable insults. The worst thing I've ever called someone is "whitey" (we have none of those but opponenets sometimes field the pale ones in an attempt to shoot threes better than we do. Actually UNC-C succeeded quite well with about half caucasian players.

And that brings me to my point for the evening. Why is it that we get so wrapped up in these sports contests? Our emotions get so tied up in the success or failure of people we hardly know just because we have chosen to root for them for one reason or another. My brother attends this college. The Redskins simply play in a stadium closer to me than any other NFL team. The Steelers aren't even that close - they were close to the college I attended for five years. The New York Rangers are the beloved hockey team of my ex-girlfriend. So on and so forth the list goes.

Then our team loses and we have to explain it - because to honestly face their failure would be to admit of a mistake, a failure on our part. We must blame the refs, or focus on a single players screw-ups, or something, anything, other than admitting that we chose one side of the coin and the other one came up.

So next time your hometown heroes or national phenoms come up one point shy at the end, just think to yourself: Tails.

And move on.

Don't. Mess. With. Harrison. Ford.

Firewall - did you see Air Force One? Ok now instead of the president he's a bank computer security guy. But some dudes try to mess with him and his family. He, to use the common internet parlance, PWNXORS them. Let's look at the etymology of that word, shall we? To PWNXOR is an exaggeration or extention of "to pwn" which is itself a clever misspelling of "to own", arising from the proximity of the p and o keys on the standard QWERTY Keyboard. "To own", from ancient CounterStrike (circa 2001) means to dominate or utterly humiliate an opponent, as one would a slave or other piece of property. This verb, when typed in haste in the heat of battle, often came out as "pwn". So often in fact that it became a popular slang term of its own. So from the realm of internet video games comes new vocabulary. Harrison Ford PWNXORS the terrorists. He's been doing this since Blade Runner. Get the picture. Don't mess with the MAN.

Final Destination 3 - there is something of a guilty pleasure in watching the convoluted, contrived, Rube Goldberg-esque ways these characters find to get killed, but there is no excuse for carrying this concept so far. This could've been a director's trademark, spread across dozens of movies, using the same John Denver song and some complicated and seemingly random death trap. It could've been a great calling card. Instead it's tried to carry three movies worth of high school acting quality and cheap thrills. I guess the point is that seemingly random events are actually controlled by fate or can affect our fate or something - the message may be more fully developed in the second two movies, I'd never know and there have got to be better ways to say it.

The Pink Panther - almost against this movie on principle because the originals were SO GOOD that no one can replace them. I still believe that, but Steve Martin will come pretty darn close, maybe close enough to be worth enjoying. If you've never seen the originals, see this and then go see the originals. But first hit yourself in the face with a hot waffle iron you uncultured Phillistine.

Curious George - as much as I am in love with Drew Barrymore, I am more in love with Will Ferrell. And Curious George has waited so long for a movie, you wonder "will it finally be an amazing tribute to one of the best loved children's characters of all time, or will it be so disconnected from its source that it is just a money-maker with a heart made of saccharine?" I think I'll watch it anyway cause I love listening to DB talk...

That's your weekend, folks - sorry it's late, I napped for two hours after dinner.

Last four DVDs picked up from the "2 for $11" rack at Wal-Mart: Replacement Killers, Short Circuit, Blade Runner, and Swing Kids. All classics.

Get away from this small screen and plant yourself in front of a bigger one!
I'm outta here!

this week I...

fail at seeing previews of the movies that are coming out. I know nothing about any of them, except for the remake of the classic-turned-cliche horror film "When a Stranger Calls" - this was the original "the call is coming from inside your house" that has been so copied because it was so good and effective the first time. So will the remake be as effective, or will it suck because it is a remake? Who knows. Go and explore the cinema for yourselves, my little budding movie buffs, and report back on what's good!